24 Smart Money Tips Everyone Can Learn by Playing Doctor

So … Who wants to play “doctor” with me?

I know what you’re thinking, but you can relax. I promise nobody will end up in the principal’s office after we’re finished here. That’s because this version only focuses on taking a peek at our … personal finances.

If you’re interested in anything more risque than that, you’re at the wrong website, pal. Sorry.

OK, ready to play? Then here we go:

If you show me somebody who always makes a shopping list, then I’ll show you someone who rarely buys anything on impulse.

If you show me somebody who nervously tracks mortgage interest rates while shopping for a new home, then I’ll show you someone who’s trying to buy a bigger house than they can reasonably afford.

If you show me somebody who pays a higher auto insurance premium in exchange for a lower deductible, then I’ll show you someone who overpays for car insurance.

If you show me somebody who refuses to faithfully follow her car’s maintenance schedule because of the cost, then I’ll show you someone who mistakenly believes she needs a new car because her current one is unreliable.

If you show me somebody who plans their dinner menus in advance, then I’ll show you a household CEO who understands how to effectively reduce her monthly food expenses.

If you show me a household CEO who faithfully tracks her income and expenses, then I’ll show you someone who’s probably got her household financial situation under control.

If you show me somebody who never has to call customer service to explain why his payment was late, then I’ll show you someone who probably reviews his credit card statements for errors and erroneous charges every month.

If you show me somebody who refuses to follow a budget and maintain an emergency fund, then I’ll show you someone who figures he can always get a loan from his friends or family.

If you show me somebody who figures he can always get a loan from his friends or family, then I’ll show you someone who will eventually have to borrow money from a payday loan company.

If you show me somebody who refuses to occasionally splurge and enjoy life, then I’ll show you someone who probably needs to take a step back and reexamine his priorities.

If you show me somebody who needs to reexamine his priorities, then I’ll show you someone who is saving for his kids’ college education before his own retirement needs are adequately addressed.

If you show me somebody who saves at least 10 percent of every paycheck for her retirement, then I’ll show you someone who probably won’t be eating cat food in her golden years.

If you show me somebody who’s eating cat food in her golden years, then I’ll show you someone who almost certainly didn’t increase her 401(k) contributions every time she got a raise.

If you show me somebody who isn’t losing too much sleep worrying about a major market downturn, then I’ll show you someone who diversifies and balances his 401(k) allocations on an annual basis.

If you show me somebody who takes advantage of his employer’s flexible spending account, then I’ll show you someone who is simultaneously reducing her tax liability while getting the benefits of a de facto quasi-savings plan.

If you show me somebody who assumes past performance guarantees future results, then I’ll show you someone who likes to buy high and sell low.

If you show me somebody who has an investment exit strategy, then I’ll show you someone who always knows when it’s the right time to cut his losses — or take profits off the table.

If you show me somebody who buys physical gold and silver, then I’ll show you someone who understands that precious metals are a proven, quality, long-term store of wealth — and the ultimate hedge against economic collapse.

If you show me somebody who who rarely gets blindsided by the unexpected, then I’ll show you someone who reads every contract before signing on the dotted line.

If you show me somebody who likes to keep up with the Joneses, then I’ll show you somebody who probably uses a credit card to finance his lifestyle.

If you show me somebody who uses a credit card to finance her lifestyle, then I’ll show you someone who doesn’t have enough money at the end of the month to make ends meet.

If you show me somebody who wonders why he can’t retire his credit card debt — even though he cut up his cards years ago — then I’ll show you someone who always makes the minimum monthly payment.

If you show me somebody who plays the lottery regularly, I’ll show you someone who is also probably hoping for an inheritance to solve their money problems.

And if you show me somebody who is hoping for an inheritance to solve his money problems, I’ll show you someone who will never have his financial house in order — no matter how much money he eventually comes into.

Photo Credit: Applegurl



Comments

  1. 1

    says

    I almost fell into the “watching interest rates nervously” as I was looking for a new house this spring. We decided that we didn’t want to go back into debt and thus didn’t care what interest rates will do. It will delay an upgrade to our home, but it will help us sustain what we have built.

  2. 2

    Gene says

    If you show me somebody who just graduated with a degree in philosophy or fine arts, then I’ll show you someone who works behind a counter asking if you’d like fries with that.

    • 5

      Len Penzo says

      Good one, Erin. With the prices universities are charging for the degrees they’re handing out, that’s more and more the case today, isn’t it?

      And for those who can’t afford to go to a vocational academy, there is always the School of Hard Knocks!

      (Don’t laugh, folks. Lots of people have made a fortune after passing through its hallowed halls.)

    • 8

      Len Penzo says

      I didn’t pay too much attention to the picture, but now that you mention it …

      (Anybody buying that?)

  3. 11

    myriah says

    Len … you have a teenage daughter, what are you doing with a photo like this heading your webpage? Seriously.

    • 12

      Len Penzo says

      Oh come on now … :-)

      I appreciate the concern, Myriah, but with the world being the way it is today, Nina encounters many images that are 100 times more risque than this every day in her life.

      To be honest, if I thought this picture was inappropriate, then I’d never take my daughter to the beach, and I’d never let her watch television — or even set foot out of the house.

      Frankly, I thought the picture did a nice job of conveying the theme of the article without crossing any lines.

  4. 13

    Kenny E. Williams says

    It seems to me that, after attaining one BS and two M ED degrees, earning a college degree is both about breadth and depth…in other words, it primarily can be pursued both for educational and vocational aspirations.

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