Every year, PNC announces their Christmas Price Index that measures the cost of every item mentioned in “The 12 Days of Christmas.”
In 2010, if you were to buy your true love every item mentioned in in the final verse of the song, it would cost you $23,439. Then again, if you were really into the Christmas spirit and decided to buy all 364 items mentioned in the entire song, you’d be out a cool $96,824.
I’m sorry, but ten lords-a-leaping and eleven pipers piping aren’t my concepts of great gift ideas.
I mean really. Woe to the husband who lovingly awakens his wife on Christmas morning and tells her to look out the window. I guarantee you that if she saw ten middle-aged balding guys in skin-tight leotards jumping around and performing Swan Lake in her driveway you’d soon be out there with them, and hopelessly locked out of the house — regardless of how well the pipers were piping.
“The 12 Days of Christmas” goes back to at least the late 1700s. The thing is, this is the 21st century, folks. Driveways are meant for presumptuous gifts like luxury automobiles with gaudy giant red bows — not a bunch of union dancers from the American Guild of Musical Artists.
Let’s look at the approximate per unit cost for each of these gifts:
Partridge in a Pear Tree ($161)
Turtle Dove ($50)
French Hen ($50)
Calling Bird ($150)
Golden Ring ($130)
Goose ($25)
Swan ($800)
Maid ($7.25)
Dancing Lady ($699.33)
Leaping Lord ($476.70)
Piper ($214.18)
Drummer ($212.67)
What a waste of perfectly good money. Of all those gifts, the only one that would bring a smile to the Honeybee’s face would be the golden ring. I mean, a maid-a-milking? Honestly?
Why would anybody today spend all that cash on all those other crappy gifts? Those gifts are almost as bad as fruit cake and those scratchy Christmas sweaters you get other people when you feel like putting absolutely no thought or imagination into your gift.
I’ll be honest here. The gifts in “The 12 Days of Christmas” are so bad they make me pine for Hanukkah; at least it only has eight days. Heh.
Yep. If I were going to give my true love presents for the 12 days of Christmas, and assuming I had the money to pay for it — which I don’t, but just play along — this is what I’d be giving out (based upon items of equivalent cost):
There, that’s more like it!
True, my 21st century version of “The 12 Days of Christmas” doesn’t make a very catchy tune, but it would make for a much happier Honeybee — and a happy Honeybee makes for a happy me. Believe me.
Hey, Merry Christmas, everyone!
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Len
Now your next task is to actually “sing your version” and post it on Youtube and here as well! Might sound good.
This will be a really tongue twister!
I am thinking more and more about getting an Ipad. I never buy electronics- I don’t even have a ipod. Plus there is the monthly connectivity fee for the internet.
I laugh about how outdated the 12 days are. I would never have wanted all those drummers drumming!
Haha! Love the redux! Personally, I’d add swap the fine dining for a new puppy.
@Mr.CC: You don’t want to hear me sing, believe me!
@Everyday: I was skeptical about iPadds until my mom got one. It is pretty impressive, and she loves it!
@Jenna: We already have a dog, so a pup is out of the question for me, Jen!
Yup, I like the list on the right.
I ended up getting an Ipad for my husband for Christmas. I figure I can use it for bloggng too while the kids are at soccer practices and such. (Had to get the 3G model though. I thought they were all 3 G, but apparently not…)
Len, are these your ideas, that you “think” would be the Bee’s kneeds… or did you she tell you what she would want?
Just wondering how the list would survive the Bee vetting procedure???
Just as an experiment, I will let my wife review the list and see what would survive her scrutiny…
These ideas are a combo of both: what I would get her, and what the Honeybee has said she would like. For example, she has stated she would like an iTunes gift card and a Coach handbag (she doesn’t own the latter because they are just too expensive). Most everything else are my ideas.
Thanks for sharing your wife’s list (below)! I like her taste!
Ok, got the list from MY boss
spa-Kendall
car wash-good job!
itunes card-sansa clip mp3 (too cheap for an iPod)
French restaurant-dinner at Nikoli’s roof in Atl (she likes the flavored vodka shots)
Golden ring-golden ring-Check!
To finish list since I needed more space…
red roses: live Camellia bush
diamond earrings-2 nights Club Level-Ritz Carlton
Movie ticket-check or 6 pak of Blue Moon
iPad-New Gas Grill
Coach bag-2 nights at our favorite beach getaway
iPhone-Maid service for a day
Matchbox twenty concert-Jimmy Buffet at the Fox in ATL.
This list was written verbalized in about 5 minutes with no wine involved….
PS-She was impressed with your list!!
I never thought about how absurd the gifts are in that song until reading this post. I think you’re a pretty good gifter as the Redux list is great.
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