People who believe in personal responsibility are often unfairly accused of being heartless and uncaring.
For proof, all one has to do is look at my inbox. I usually get at least one scathing letter every week from a reader who mistakes my philosophy regarding the importance of self-reliance and living within one’s means as a paean to the virtues of selfishness and greed.
Of course, nothing could be farther from the truth but that’s another topic for another day.
With that in mind, I want to share the following story with you.
Earlier this year, I stopped by my neighborhood gas station to fill up the tank. While I was at the pump, a gentleman walked up to me and pointed to a relatively new minivan that was parked at another island. “Excuse me, sir,” he said. “This is very embarrassing, but I walked out the door this morning without my wallet and my car is almost out of gas. Would you happen to have a spare dollar or two to help me get home?”
“You don’t say?” I asked. “How far away is home?”
“I live in Glendale,” he said.
Well … his story seemed plausible. After all, I’ve walked out of the house in a hurry and without my wallet more times than I want to remember.
Hey, it happens to everyone. Especially me.
Besides, my spur-of-the-moment assessment was the guy was completely legit. He was well-dressed in business-casual attire. On top of that, his car, which couldn’t have been more than a few years old, was in great shape. And, perhaps most convincingly of all, he appeared to be genuinely embarrassed to be in such a tenuous position.
I really felt bad for the poor guy.
A quick calculation in my head figured a couple gallons of fuel would be enough to get this poor man home to his family, and with that I reached for my wallet to give the man a sawbuck. Unfortunately, I didn’t have anything smaller than a $20, so I gave him one of five prepaid $10 gas cards that I keep in my car at all times just in case I ever find myself a long way from home with an empty gas tank and no wallet.
You know … like the guy from Glendale.
Anyway, the man was very appreciative and I was more than happy to help him out of a tough spot.
Fast forward a couple of months later; I was filling my tank again at the same local station when I was approached by another guy with a similar story. This time, however, I balked at helping him because, frankly, I just didn’t believe him. He said he only lived about ten miles away; but if that was true, then why couldn’t he call a friend or relative to help him out? Yes, he could have been telling the truth, but the odd coincidence and fishy story raised my suspicions.
“Have a heart, man!” the guy implored.
“Yeah, yeah. I hear that all the time,” I said.
Then last week came and it happened again. I’m not kidding; only this time it was a woman with a child. But her sad story was almost the same. Needless to say, being the uncaring individual that I am, I said no.
Unfortunately, it’s now painfully apparent that the guy I gave my prepaid gas card to several months earlier was almost certainly a con artist.
It’s not the first time I’ve been scammed. Nevertheless, this time is especially infuriating because I don’t typically give money to panhandlers; I believe the spare change they receive usually ends up feeding the destructive behavior that led them to panhandling in the first place. If panhandlers really want help, they can reach out to any of the numerous churches or private charitable organizations that are available to help people in need.
Take it from me: Despite what others might have you believe, it isn’t cruel to say no to a panhandler.
If you feel somebody asking you for help truly needs it, then buy them a hot meal, or provide them with other non-cash assistance – but don’t give them money. Instead, save your cash for the charitable organizations that work everyday to assist the unfortunate among us who truly need help.
Photo Credit: david_e_wasson
I have had the same scam happen at grocery store where a woman carrying a baby would ask u to just buy some “groceries” for them and since you dont have much time you hand them some cash to let them buy whatever they want. The baby trick always worked.
Problem is these days its really hard to tell the difference between geniune and con artists. I’d hate to decline someone who is really in need.
I’ve come to the conclusion that offering to buy food or other non-monetary assistance is our best defense against the scammers.
I was at a gas station in a neighboring city. A guy presented a card saying he was a deaf mute. He needed some help to make it through. People down here tend to be good hearted, and help people out.
I told him no. He was mad.
Well, he didn’t recognize me. I knew that he had received two benefit checks a couple of days before. Now, he was hearing impaired. He wasn’t mute. We knew it because children reported him for the inappropriate things he said to them.
One guy said can you give me some money. I’m hungry, and haven’t eaten in a long time. This man couldn’t lie worth spit. He was at least 150 lbs. overweight. I told him no. I was loading my groceries, and saw him going to the liquor store.
I try to go with what my inner spirit is telling me. I could bore you with more stories but I’d block myself for that.
Another scam that is pretty popular around here in SoCal are the panhandlers who stand around at the end of freeway off ramps with a sign saying they are down on their luck and need cash. One local citizen in my town actually hung around and secretly followed one of these clowns after he finally left his post at the end of the day. The panhandler walked about a half mile to a local strip mall where he hopped on what looked like a brand new Harley and took off. These people wouldn’t do that if it didn’t pay; it’s been a cottage industry around here for a long time.
I had that happen once in a parking lot adjacent to a filling station. I happened to have a prepaid Visa card with $10 left on it in my wallet and gave it to the woman with an explanation of what it was. The look on her face was definitely not one of relief or gratitude – more like confusion and disappointment!
Cash, rather than actual food or other non-monetary assistance, is always preferred with the grifters.
Rapid City, SD has “giving meters” around town. They’re just like parking meters, but the money collected goes to local missions and homeless shelters. We also have PSAs reminding folks that giving to these places will ensure people are actually HELPED. I’d like to think these things help, because with over 11,000 job openings, everyone who WANTS to work can get a job in about 2 minutes!
Giving meters: I love love, LOVE that idea, Lauren!
I agree Len. We all have a soft spot. I listened to Joe’s Invisible Thread podcast interview. It touched me. I am just not sure I want to invest the time to help and understand the need situation that comes up. I agree 99 percent of the time, it is a scam. I have offered to put in the gas in the car, like 2 gallons worth. Usually they are not prepared for that. Keep a kind heart and glad you are doing better. I still have that lingering sinus and cough.
Thanks, CO2. Today is the first day for me since the COVID symptoms first appeared (day 17) that my lingering cough has disappeared. It is the first day I can say I feel 100%.
“… save your cash for the charitable organizations …”
Unfortunately, one has to be careful there, too A few are outright scams and others are top-heavy with “administrative” costs (i.e., care and feeding of their bureauracy).
P.S: Glad you’re well again, Len!
Thank you, Dave!
A similar thing happened to me at FinCon Charlotte. Ran into this group of people coming back from dinner on the final night. I was with my wife at the time and found it hard to say no to their story, considering I was at a conference and was fortunate, etc. etc. My wife saw the scam immediately and wasn’t all that pleased that I gave in.
Fast forward a few months, we’re back in Charlotte, this time to see Billy Joel. We walk by the same area and literally the same guy comes up to me. This time, though, I told him that I already had given him money, and walked on.
Tough call. I’ll let people get me once and not beat myself up about it.
What’s truly amazing is just how well off many of these scammers actually are. They have no shame at all, John. Very sad.
I was forced to panhandle years ago – once. My high school afternoon job was being a messenger for a suburban business. One day, I was assigned to go downtown into the city to have a business there process some paperwork.
With my week’s paycheck in my pocket, I parked the boss’ car in a garage, walked to the business and handled the paperwork. Then I walked to the downtown branch of my bank to cash my paycheck. The bank was already closed for the day. I had no cash, and needed 50 cents (more than $5.00 in today’s money) to pay the ‘ransom’ for the boss’ car.
I approached at least one stranger on the sidewalk, explained my story and asked for “spare change.” I got my 50 cents, and got the heck out of there.
I’d have given you the 50 cents too, Tom. I don’t think any scammer would ever dream of such a story!
When I was in college I took the subway to my part time job; one morning a nicely dressed, very nice looking young-ish man told me he’d left his wallet home and wanted me to pay his fare. I told him he was close enough to walk home and get his wallet, and no, I wasn’t going to give him anything. He seemed pretty surprised. I’m sure he thought he was good looking enough to charm a teenage girl; clearly he picked the wrong girl.
I love it, RMF! Wish I could have seen the look on his face when you told him to walk home.