What is the root of all evil? Some think it’s greed while others believe it’s envy. They often go hand-in-hand, but neither brings personal satisfaction.
To find true happiness, we must look within instead of coveting that of others. Here’s how:
Work hard
I constantly hear excuses from people for why they can’t get ahead, but in many cases the real reason is because they’re not working hard or smart enough — or spending beyond their means.
Today, there’s more opportunity than ever to earn income without a “real” job by freelancing your skills, or even property you already own. For instance, I’m a freelance writer, but I also rent out my homes to vacationers, drive people around as an on-demand taxi driver, and watch people’s pet when they go out of town.
Of course, I understand that financial stability doesn’t come overnight, but your personal plight is nobody’s problem but your own; so if you want to change then you’ll have to face it head-on. It’s an uphill battle, but you’ll get there with positive attitude and a lot of patience.
Accept what you can’t control
You can’t control everything — especially others’ lifestyle. The sooner you recognize this, the better.
“Make a list of what you can and can’t control in any situation causing you envy,” says Kimberly Hershenson, a licensed clinical social worker. “For example, if your co-worker got a raise, you have no control over that fact. Instead, focus on what you can control to make change: working harder, getting feedback from your supervisor, and asking for a raise yourself.”
Analyze others’ success
While envying someone’s success is detrimental to your own, analyzing it can actually be helpful when you use it as an outline for your own life.
“The correct approach to observing and wanting others’ success and material wealth is to analyze how they achieved their success,” says entrepreneur Beverly Solomon, who owns her eponymous design firm. “While a small percentage of people luck into wealth by inheriting it, the vast majority achieve success through hard work, education, tenacity and patience.”
Counseling professor Dr. Tiffany Stewart agrees. “Peeping into someone else’s yard takes the focus off of you and keeps you from improving yourself,” she adds. “Live your life and make it what you want by working on you first.”
Appreciate what you have
Too many people worry about the things they don’t have without taking time to appreciate what they do have. According to mind and body wellbeing coach Wendy Cheah, one way to fix this bad habit is to practice gratitude. “Practice by thinking or writing a list of things that make you feel good, no matter how big or small it is,” she says. “For example, ‘I have my own apartment, I have a fridge full of food, my boss approved my project.’ By practicing gratitude we fill up our mind and soul from inside out, and it also makes us realize how lucky we are and focus on how much we have in our life.”
Stop waiting for something good to happen
The odds of a life-changing event happening to you are equivalent to winning the lottery: one in millions. If you want something good to happen to you, make strides toward that end.
Turn off “reality” TV
Reality television plays a huge role in our fascination with the lifestyles of the rich and famous. The consequence of buying into the “reality” narrative is that it’s capable of making you feel like you’re being left behind in life while increasing feelings of insignificance. “Too many people get caught up thinking that reality TV is reality,” says Dr. Stewart. “That’s simply not true. These are scripted shows, and there are retakes if it doesn’t look right the first time. In reality, there are few, if any, retakes in life.”
Stop blaming your setbacks on others
One of the most annoying words in the national lexicon right now is “privilege.” I constantly hear how some people are privileged because of their race, their perceived beauty, their weight, their sexual orientation and many other things, but when people use that word in condemnation of others’ success, it usually means “I deserve the things you have more than you do.” And that’s unfair.
While there are exceptions, the vast majority of successful people have earned their good fortune. If you want your opportunity, chase it. Seize it. Claim it as your own. You’re 100% capable.
Spend time with the less-fortunate
For perspective, spend a night on the streets with the homeless, visit a hospital, or travel to a third-world country. Putting yourself in the shoes of those less fortunate provides much-needed clarity. None of us are promised anything, and none of us should expect to be given anything. We only deserve what we earn.
Photo Credit: thechallahblog
I’d say not just reality TV, but turn off TV in general.
One of the biggest life hacks I’ve done is switch TV time to reading time. It’s just so much better in a million diff ways…
You’re not the only one I know who has done this, Albert. It’s something that seems to be getting more popular as time goes on.
I totally agree with practicing gratitude, Mikey. I learned this after getting my hands on the five-minute journal, which aims to help people express gratitude daily.
I won’t say that I’ve experienced amazing days on a regular basis, but I now have a better sense of what to be grateful for. This has helped me put things in perspective when I’m facing a bad situation.
Thanks for sharing.
-Chris
Many of us overlook all the things for which we should be thankful, or we don’t take enough time to look around and recognize how blessed we are even when it may not seem like. Glad you’re experiencing gratitude, Chris.
Over the last five years, I have been humbled by a devastating divorce and a long term layoff, which has retaught gratitude to me. And I pray it is a lesson that I never forget again.
The philosopher Sheryl Crow said it best with this lyric.
“It’s not having what you want
It’s wanting what you’ve got”
I understand it more now than I ever have before.
I love philosopher Sheryl Crow! Thanks for commenting, David!
Want to feel good for absolutely free? Volunteer to walk the dogs on death row at the local animal shelter. You will get gratitude from those poor critters that is so profuse you will be embarrassed. Think of the mind numbing boredom of being locked in a small kennel day after day, 24/7. Think of the noise, the confusion, the misery of the abandoned pets. Think how happy those dogs would be to have individual human companionship for half an hour or an hour. Go a few times a week, walk the same dog and he / she will begin to bark and whine with pleasure to see you when you enter the kennel area. And maybe by walking off the dog’s extra energy, and socializing him / her, you will make the animal more adoptable and he / she will find a loving family. IT’S A FREE HIGH!
Around the time I turned twenty I started eating breakfast in a restaurant in my small town. The table sometimes would have anywhere from 5 to 15 people. Construction guys, doctors, contractors, town business leaders, etc. Many of these guys were self-made millionaires but you would never know it by the way they acted. I had the good fortune to analyze how they lived. Most of them drove used cars or pickups, lived in nice but nothing special homes, didn’t care what other people had just did their own thing. The thing that all of them had in common was they lived way below their means. I tried to follow their examples and do a lot of the same in my life and my business. Long story short, last year at 64 I retired and built a new retirement home on the lake. I am thankful every day for the people I got to associate with early in life!
Great story, Chris! Thanks for sharing that.
Yes, at its most basic level, good personal finance management can be boiled down to one piece of advice: spend less than you earn. Do that, and everything else will usually take care of itself.
Congrats on your retirement, Chris. I hope it’s everything you want it to be!
Much of this article has to do with possessions – how aquired, how valued and how viewed when others have them.
a great deal of self-esteem can be found in those who make their own things, whenever possible They aren’t subject to invideous comparisons. What they do for themselves is incomparable. They may be subjects of envy but do not know that emotion in themselves.
So true Mr. Dave.
Building something with your own hands gives a boost of self-esteem. Gardening, and working in your yard has some of the same benefits. It raises your spirit, helps you be content, and keeps you doing something that gives you peace of mind, and benefits your self-esteem.
You know, the less you own, the more time you have leftover to enjoy life. I enjoy reading, and music. I don’t enjoy mopping, and dusting.
Being financially responsible makes you attractive. I am “Savealicious”. lol
Thanks, Bill