My teenage son, Matthew, turned 14-years-old last month, so I probably shouldn’t have been surprised when he recently broached the topic of getting a driver’s license on his 16th birthday while I was driving us to the golf course to play a round with his Grandpa and Uncle Ben.
“Even if I allow you to get your driver’s license when you turn 16, son, you’re still going to need a car.”
“But Grandma says she’s going to give me the Chevelle after me and Grandpa are done fixing it up.”
“Oh really?” I said in that indignant parental tone that makes every teenager cringe.
“Really!” my son countered.
Of course, I immediately took Matthew’s reply as a golden opportunity to try and make him understand that many things he’s taken for granted in life up to now — including something as mundane as using a car to get from point A to point B — costs money. I figured if I played my cards right, my impulsive-spending son who has never been able to save anything would suddenly be inspired to start putting a little of his chore cash away for the future and, dare I say it, maybe even think about getting a summer job. “Okay, Mr. Moneybags, tell me again how you plan on paying for that car?”
“I’m not paying anything for it, Dad. I’m getting the car for free.”
“And you’re going to pay for it how?”
“Dad, you aren’t listening to me. It’s free. F-R-E-E. Free.”
“Yes, but what about when you start driving it around town?”
“What about it?”
“How are you going to pay for that?”
“Huh?”
I know. It’s all too obvious: What we’ve got here is a failure to communicate. Some teens you just can’t reach. Then again, I’m not one to give up quite so easily. “Don’t cars need a little something called gasoline?” I asked.
That’s when I swear I saw one of those energy efficient CFL bulbs above Matthew’s precious little head finally light up. “Oh. That.”
“Yes, that,” I said. “Gas isn’t cheap, you know.”
“It’s not that expensive, Dad. It’s like $3 per gallon.”
Heh. Not that expensive. That’s my son, God love him. I mean, this is a kid whose current income is somewhere in the neighborhood of ten dollars — per month. Never mind that Matthew could make more doing additional chores and odd jobs around the house, but for now he chooses not to. Undaunted, I continued. “Not that expensive, huh? I’m betting the Chevelle will be lucky to get ten miles to the gallon.”
“So.”
“So, in other words, for every ten miles you drive that ‘free’ car you plan on getting from Grandma it’s going to cost you at least three bucks.”
“Okay.”
“Okay? At that price, do you want to guess how much one little trip to the beach and back will cost you?”
“Not really.”
“Well, I’ll tell you anyway: $20.”
“Twenty bucks?!”
“Yes, twenty bucks — and that’s assuming you don’t stop along the way to get a bite to eat.”
“Then I just won’t drive so much.”
“Good luck with that. But even if you do manage to limit your driving, there are other costs too, son.”
“Like what?”
“Like car insurance, registration fees, and maintenance costs.”
“How much does that stuff cost?”
“It depends, but you should plan on those expenses costing you at least $1200 per year. Probably more though.”
“No matter how much I drive the car?”
“Pretty much.”
Several seconds passed while, I can only assume, my son pondered the expensive implications I deftly placed before him. “That’s a lot of money, Dad.”
“That it is, son.”
We didn’t say anything more to each other until we got to the golf course. To tell you the truth, that didn’t bother me at all.
***
(This is an encore presentation of an article that was originally published on 20 June 2011.)
Photo Credit: Collector Car Ads
that is awesome! ignorance really is bliss. love that you got your point across. ha.
We raised five children on a single, modest income. We started early to help them appreciate what life costs. As the oldest approached her teen years and became conscious of cars (and boys), we laid down the rules simply because we had no other choice: you may have a car when you can afford to purchase one, to buy insurance, and to maintain it (details included as per your talk with your son). She didn’t like the idea, so on graduation, she went to live with my in-laws who promised her a free car, college tuition, and no rules or regs.
One out the door and four to go (hoping for better results).
The second oldest (daughter) was observant and learned a lot from the first girl, who learned (too late) the down-side of getting everything free (including pot, three husbands, three kids, and nuff said). By the time the second daughter graduated from high school (with honors), she had purchased her own truck (yep, cowgirl through and through), paid for her own insurance, regularly changed her own oil, and understood that there are no free rides; she was responsible, independent, self-reliant, and confident.
The last three kids had two clear object lessons set before them, but that’s a whole nuther story. Having a car seems to be one of the first important decisions a person makes between high school and the rest of life. It often sets the pace for what comes next.
To use a baseball analogy, no matter how much you learn and plan, you never really know if the next pitch will be a change-up or come with heat, but at least making mature and responsible decisions early (with a little encouragement from family and friends) will keep you conscious and alert at the plate.
Your story proves that parents can conscientiously guide and preach their children all they want, but in the end it’s entirely up to the kids as to whether they are going to listen or not. Thanks for sharing.
I bet you could hear the wheels turning in his head absorbing that information.
It’s hard for some kids to understand everything we have and provide for them costs money.
When I saw that Chevelle I immediately thought ‘Gas Hog’! I do chuckle that your son thinks 4 dollars a gallon is not that expensive. I guess just those of us that remember gas being a dollar a gallon truly appreciate how expensive it has gotten. Or, maybe he thinks he only will need 2.5 gallons a month?
My son is 17 now and we have a third car he drives. Since he drives all 3 kids to school, we cover a bit of the gas costs. Last night he balked about cleaning out the car and I wanted to scream. He then got a nice long lecture, and I don’t think he will be complaining about that again.
We probably cover more of the car expenses than we should. It can be a tough balance when having that third driver makes life more convenient and frees up more time for you to work. (In my case, I work part time from home, so when my son drives to school as opposed to myself, I can start work 40 minutes earlier.)
I realize parents like to leverage their kids who have driver’s licenses. I remember the jubilation I had when I first got my license! Of course, within a week I started to change my attitude because my folks were seemingly sending me out to run errands all the time. I think they loved me getting a license more than me!
>> those of us that remember gas being a dollar a gallon truly appreciate how expensive it has gotten.
At the risk of showing my age, I still remember the summer I turned 17. I was already gas price conscious, and bought from an independent station with a new-fangled money-saving feature — self-service. There was a gas war that summer, and prices dropped down to 25.9 cents a gallon. But even normally, gas sold for about 30 cents a gallon or less, and maybe 33-34 cents a gallon at the name-brand stations.
It was possible to fill up the gas-hungry 1966 Jeep Wagoneer with a 327 V8 for less than $5.
Gas was $1 a gallon?!! Where do I sign up. 😉
This comment is to the guy who’s son’s driving made his life easier.
Instead of chipping in for the gas, why don’t you hire your son as a driver? Pay him on a contract to drive the other kids around, and pay him enough to cover his costs. Seems the fair thing to me.
Love it, Len! He may not be thrilled about it, but learning this now can save him a ton of headaches down the road.
Len,
I love the Chevelle. It looks like a ’69-71 model. It’s almost exactly like my first car, which was a ’70 Buick Skylark. GM called it an A-Body.
The kid is going to be pretty lucky to get this from Grandma for a first car. I suspect he will find a way to put gas in a stylin’ ride like that. Bad news for you parents, because girls are going to be impressed.
Bret
I’m pretty sure Grandma’s car is a ’69, Bret.
Len, I know you know you can’t alter the testosterone influenced teen’s dreams.
Their mind doesn’t work in a structured fashion like us old folks.
The contemplative silence was just his way of avoiding more conflict, not that he was “getting” what you said.
Your only hope is time. Time for his brain to mature. I hope, in the meantime, you won’t do something that would get the social agencies in LA involved…
An interesting take, Dr. Dean!
Len, I totally get it!! Wish I could say it gets better. Maybe when they turn 30 there’s some hope!! I’m cracking up over this one.
Ha! Matthew used to get $10 to mow/trim my front and back lawn (very easy job) — but he lost it, mainly due to lack of interest.
On a related note, I recently discovered that there is no such thing as a free horse. No matter how beautiful, how fast, how sweet-tempered she may be, she will be a money pit. I do not regret taking the mare in; she was abandoned (it happens all too frequently in this economy) and it has been a wonderful experience for me and my son.
Just be warned–your “free” horse will be better fed, better shod, and have better medical care than you. Start packing your lunches and mending your clothes, my friends.
As a huge lover of horses myself, I appreciate the tip. Despite your admonition, I still dream of owning one myself one of these days.
Landed Gentry has done a good deed, because of the economy horses are headed in vast numbers to the Mexican slaughter houses. You too can own a horse for nothing or next to nothing. Ask your local large animal vet to find you a suitable horse, or horses (they are herd animals and do better with a companion) and he/she will know of folks looking to give away a good natured, rideable horse to avoid sending it to auction / slaughter. You can cut down on the expense if you have your own land of course. An electric fence allows you to move the fence frequently to fresh grass, saving on hay in nice weather. You can arrange with a local stable to board your horse at a discount or free in exchange for doing work at the stable. You can board someone else’s horse at your home and the money beyond the cost of feed will pay for your horse’s feed, and your horse will have a companion. You still need to pay for shoes or hoof trimming every two months (seek horse with hard feet who doesn’t need shoes if you don’t ride a lot on hard pavement, trimming is cheaper than shoeing, money saving tip!) and twice a year vet visits for worming, emergency vet visits, equine dentist for teeth floating. Buy better quality used tack and take care of it, instead of cheap new tack which may hurt the horse and doesn’t get better with age. Cost for feed (hay and pellets, plus blocks of brown mineral salt and a carrot or apple a day is now running around $200./ month depending upon size of horse, and whether you have energy and space to move an electric fence around to fresh grass every couple of days.
Thanks for the additional information. It looks like cars and horses both require significant cash outlays. (I’ll make sure I plan accordingly.)
I always tell people that I used to have a horse, now I have a savings account.
I remember when I was a teenager, I was shocked by how expensive car-related costs were (insurance, gas, repairs and the like) compared to my earning potential ($5.15 at the McDonalds drive-thru. My first job was the ultimate cliche).
I wondered how on earth anyone earned enough money to afford anything. At that time — good teenager that I was — I read personal finance books and advice, but I couldn’t relate to the advice I read AT ALL. Everything I was reading warned against big-ticket things like buying a “new” car, which I thought was crazy. I mean, these people must live in a fantasy world. Who can afford to even think about buying a new car, when just coming up with $100 requires 20 hours of physically demanding work?
In retrospect, I should have been brainstorming ways to earn more, or getting into my first entrepreneurial ventures, rather than putting in low-paid hours at McDonalds. C’est la vie.
P.S. Len, I’m officially the 300th person to Like you on Facebook!
Why, thank you, Paula! I think that makes you the first fan who is not a relative of mine. 😉
Having a car could teach him responsibility and it could motivate him to earn money on his own.
I think kids will finally learn responsibility when they finally have a family of their own.
Sadly this is not necessarily so as all the families on welfare, children in “the system” and families sponging off parents demonstrate. I have been to landlord tenant and small claims court 298 times, 297 wins and one which I like to think of as a draw. Invariably the unpaid rent is due to poor decision making on the order of, “It’s Christmas and I want my kids to have stuff too.” .When they are evicted in February through the court they abandon all the gifts as they can’t take them when they move in with Mom. Nice cars, RVs, vacations, expensive wedding are all “reasons” for not paying rent and getting evicted. IT IS GOING TO BE MUCH WORSE FOR LANDLORDS GOING FORWARD because of no tenants being evicted for non payment for what will end up being two years. Shiftless tenants are being told by the government that they don’t have to pay rent, that housing is a “right” while the small landlords are going under and losing their buildings. Do you think after two years of a free ride that these people are going to be keen on paying rent?
That’s such a cute story! I feel the exact same way about cars — 1200$ a year, no matter how much I drive it is way too much for me
Our oldest kid went to community college. He had worked two years to help save for his part of the tuition, (we covered some), so didn’t get a car until after graduation. For the most part, public transportation worked for him. Our yougest was going to go the same route, but was given a full ride to a four year school. Since there were no dorms, and he was out of state, we took what we had set aside for tuition and bought him an “old lady” station wagon. That enabled him to transport his furniture and get around. He covers all repairs and gas through his part time job, and we cover half his car insurance. Maybe it’s not the best solution, but since their situations were so different, it seemed the wisest way to go.
Did he ever get the car??? 😀
Well, J … Grandma eventually sold the Chevelle before Matthew could get his hands on it! So he ended up with my old 97 Civic stick shift.
Probably better in the end. I would not give a new driver a hopped up Chevelle as a first car. Also, I’m not a safety nut, but these old cars do not have the many safety improvements engineered into vehicles over the past few decades. Even a stick shift Civic might be a bit too sporty for a new driver.