My Nonagenarian Aunt Doris Shares Her Thoughts On Growing Old

This is an article from my dear Aunt Doris, who regular readers know is the head panelist in all of my family blind taste-test challenges.


I wish everybody could have an Aunt Doris in their family.

When you buy a refrigerator, or a car, or even a teakettle, you get a booklet that tells you what to expect, how it works, and basically what to do in the case it doesn’t work. We humans don’t have that luxury, we simply go along thinking: Oh, I’m going to live forever!

But then — bam! — it starts. For me, getting old started with an innocent little twinge.

Then, one day, I looked in the mirror and discovered that I had broken out in wrinkles. And now I not only look like my mother, but my grandmother too.

Each passing year has brought me a new twinge.

Eventually I found myself grunting every time I got up or sat down.

Remember the old television show Sanford & Son starring the late Redd Foxx? His venerable character, Fred Sanford, used to clutch his heart and look to the sky as he’d cry to his late wife, “I’m coming, Elizabeth!” I feel the same way now, not that “Elizabeth” would ever know me.

I used to go all day in the mall. Now sometimes it takes me that long just to go to the restroom — but that’s another story.

I used to run like the wind, but now I get winded getting out of a chair.

My hair is falling out.

The thing is, although I’m almost 91, my brain still works as well today as it did when I was 21.

Life’s funny that way.


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