The Magic 8 Ball Answers Your Money Questions

Since I’m still struggling to get interviews with respected personal finance bloggers (even personal finance genius Rich Livingston was on vacation) I finally concluded that enough was enough!

Therefore, because desperate times call for desperate measures, I decided that instead of waiting for somebody (anybody) to agree to an interview, I would hold a live web chat with my trusty Magic 8-Ball – if it approved, of course.  :-)

I have to admit, there was a brief moment of tension on my part when I first asked the 8-Ball if it would like to answer a few money-related questions from me and my readers.

That tension was soon broken, though, after I carefully shook the ball and looked into its magic window, where the following response was revealed: Yes – definitely.

I think the interview was a grand success.

Anyway, if you missed the live chat, here is a transcript:

Arnold From Sacramento:Somebody once said borrowing money is like wetting your bed in the middle of the night. At first all you feel is warmth and release. But that’s quickly followed by the awful, cold discomfort of reality. What do you think of that, Girlie Ball?

8-Ball: You may rely on it.

Worried1: I recently loaned $10,000 to my third cousin who needed a down payment to buy a new Lexus. My wife is furious! She says loaning money to friends and relatives is stupid and very risky. I think that is a very selfish attitude, but she does have me second guessing myself now. Do you think my cousin will repay the money I loaned him?

8-Ball: Outlook not so good.

ItTakesAVillage: In 2007 I bought a bigger house than I could reasonably afford and got into trouble when the teaser rate on my adjustable rate mortgage reset. Then, just before the bank was about to foreclose on the mortgage, the government bailed me out! Can you believe my good fortune? I will even get a $5000 “Pay for Performance Bonus” if I can manage to stick to my new lower payment schedule!  By the way, Uncle Sam also just paid me $4500 for my 1984 Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham.  The funny thing is that for the past six years I had been trying to sell that clunker for $150 but there were no takers!  Is this a great country or what?

8-Ball: Without a doubt.

BaffledInBoston: My friend insists that there is a rather large mushroom on the front side of the American one-dollar bill, but I just can’t seem to find it. Is she telling me the truth?

8-Ball: As I see it, yes.

EZ711: I’m in a gambling mood so I’ll be off to Vegas next weekend for a no-limit Texas hold ‘em tournament. If I am holding ace-king suited and I’m seated on the button, should I raise a tight player ahead of me who limped in, or should I simply call and see what happens on the flop?

8-Ball: Ask again later.

TheDonald: Will the US economy ever turn around?

8-Ball: Yes – definitely.

JCramer in NYC: Booyah, 8-Ball! That’s great news! So, when will the stock market bulls make their much awaited comeback?

8-Ball: Cannot predict now.

BMadoff: Am I on? Oh, yes. Hi! Do you know anybody that would like to employ an out of work Wall Street financier? I know somebody that currently has a little spare time on his hands. My only, I mean, his only stipulation is that he must be able to telecommute.

8-Ball: Very doubtful.

Barack: The Republicans are saying the President’s Universal Health Care proposal will never work. Do you think government-run health care is a recipe for failure?

8-Ball: It is certain.

DeepInDebt: Do you think Dave Ramsey‘s personal finance advice should be taken as the gospel truth?

8-Ball: My reply is no.

Len Penzo: That last question got me thinking, 8-Ball. I know we’ve been friends a long time, so I am sure I already know the answer, but, for the record: Who is your favorite personal finance blogger?

8-Ball: Concentrate and ask again.

Len Penzo: Okay, okay. I’m concentrating. Concentrating… Who. Is. Your. Favorite. Personal. Finance. Blogger?

8-Ball: Better not tell you now.

Len Penzo: Huh? Why not, 8-Ball? Are you afraid I might not like your answer?

8-Ball: Most likely.

DoubtingTom: I just got an e-mail from somebody I’ve never heard of in Nigeria that wants to share $23 million with me. He just needs me to wire him $5000 via Western Union to cover an international windfall-processing fee. My husband says do it, but I’m not so certain. Don’t you think that offer smells just a little bit fishy?

8-Ball: Signs point to yes.

Barack: Me again. Do you really think the fact that the President’s plan to add more to the National Debt over the next eight years than all of the previous 43 US presidents combined greatly increases the risk of high inflation or hyperinflation?

8-Ball: It is decidedly so.

AverageAmericanJoe: Will I ever have enough money to retire?

8-Ball: Reply hazy, try again.

AverageAmericanJoe: Okay, I’ll rephrase the question: Is a comfortable retirement in my future?

8-Ball: My sources say no.

EZ711: Since you wouldn’t answer my earlier question, tell me this, 8-Ball. Your owner has been telling everybody he knows to put a few bucks down on the Los Angeles Dodgers to win the World Series. Do you think the Bums are finally in a position to win it all this year?

8-ball: Outlook good.

Arnold From Sacramento: I have another question for you too, Girlie Ball. Is it true that a good spending plan should always balance the budget such that your income equals your outgo?

8-ball: Yes.

TheDonald: I’m glad to see a little optimism on your part regarding the US economy, Mr. Ball. Assuming you really believe that, can I interest you in making a great investment on a 92-story high-rise I’m putting up in Chicago?

8-ball: Don’t count on it.

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9 comments to The Magic 8 Ball Answers Your Money Questions

  • Danielle

    I want to ask the 8-Ball a question: Should I spend $500 on a pair of tickets so I can take my daughter to go see her favorite band (the Jonas Brothers) later this month? Quick reply needed please! :-)

  • I know what I would say: If you can truly afford the tickets then I think it would be an awesome treat for your daughter! But you didn’t ask for my opinion, so let’s see what the 8-Ball has to say…

    Magic 8-Ball, should Danielle spend $500 for a pair of JoBros tickets?

    The 8-Ball replies: “Very doubtful”

    Oh well. I guess 8-Ball is not a Jonas Brothers fan, Danielle.

  • LOL

    Will I become a millionaire before 30?

  • Uh oh. I’ve created a monster. lol

    Okay, Jae. Just remember, the Magic 8-Ball is solely responsible for all answers… ;-)

    Magic 8-Ball, will Jae become a millionaire before 30 years of age?

    The 8-Ball replies: “As I see it, yes.” (!)

    Hey! Congratulations, Jae! Looks like you’re in the money! I should have known – from its interview answers, 8-Ball seems to be very bullish on the economy! :-)

  • Bridget

    I can’t believe I’m going to do this. Will I ever meet a decent man that is worth marrying?

  • Sorry, Bridget, but that’s not a money question! Oh, what the heck…

    Magic 8-Ball, will Bridget every meet a decent man that she can marry?

    The 8-Ball replies: “My sources say no.”

    Yikes! Please don’t despair, Bridget. Eight Ball has been wrong before…

  • Pepper

    OMG, lol! I expect this type of thing from you Len. But the fact that there are people out there asking more questions for the 8 ball takes the cake! :-) And no – I don’t have a question for it either! lol

  • @Pepper: You’re missing out on a golden opportunity, Pepper! ;-)

  • [...] I don’t bother with efficient markets but in this case, I would believe that the market as well as the 35 analysts couldn’t all be missing out on revenue generation and where it will be coming from in the future. I’ll leave that to someone who’s good with the magic 8 ball. [...]

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