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The offbeat personal finance blog for responsible people.

Be Fiscally Irresponsible — Get $5000!

By Len Penzo

I love stupid-humor movies; I blame that on my folks. When I was just a kid they always let me stay up past my bedtime so I could watch Jerry Lewis movies that were on the television.

I watched a lot of Jerry Lewis movies when I was a kid.

Maybe that’s why today, after reading the details of the Obama administration’s Homeowner Affordability and Stability Plan, I was reminded of a scene from one of my favorite stupid-humor movies from last year, Tropic Thunder.

Tropic Thunder is an over-the-top send-up about a small band of self-absorbed thespians filming a Vietnam war movie in the heart of southeast Asia. In the middle of filming, real life imitates art when these actors unintentionally end up stumbling upon, and getting captured by, members of a Laotian heroin ring.

Near the end of the flick, there is a classic scene where Tugg Speedman, played by Ben Stiller, rushes back into enemy territory for a moment of personal redemption. You tell the world what happened here, the Hollywood-action-hero-cum-involuntary-mercenary begs his fellow faux-soldier Kirk Lazarus, played by Robert Downey Jr.

Lazarus readily agrees, only to finally come to his senses a split second later: “What happened here?”

“I don’t know,” says Speedman, “but you need to tell them.”

Which brings me to the topic of this post. After reading a complete synopsis of the mortgage bailout plan at Wise Bread I, like Kirk Lazarus, was left shaking my head in utter bewilderment.

This plan is being touted by the Obama administration as necessary for stabilizing home prices by keeping people in their homes who might otherwise be foreclosed upon. I’ve already discussed why this plan stinks, including the misperception that falling home prices are a bad thing, and the fact that this plan pokes a big stick in the eye of those of us who have sacrificed and been responsible over the years with respect to our mortgages.

Among the plan’s most outrageous benefits is a $5000 “Pay-for-Performance Success Payment” that pays for the principal balance on the modified loan as long as the mortgage holder remains current on the payments. This “Pay for Performance” bonus is paid out in $1000 increments over a five year period.

I’m not making this up.

In case you aren’t paying close attention, performance bonuses of up to $5000 are being awarded to those people who make on-time taxpayer-assisted mortgage payments, while responsible borrowers who always paid their mortgages on time get bupkis.

Where is the outrage, people? Absolutely incredible.

I wonder how many of you out there that are for this administration’s current exercise in socialism also believe that we should all be on the hook if our neighbor was (pick one) “duped/misled/tricked” into buying a $175,000 luxury car with an onerous loan? Anyone?

“But, Len, that’s different.”

No it’s not. Nobody has a constitutional right to own their own home any more than anybody has a right to own a Maserati.

There is no shame in renting, folks.

“What happened here?” indeed.

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March 5, 2009

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