I don’t like weddings.
Call me cold-hearted, but I don’t find anything enjoyable about having to put on a suit and tie in the middle of a heat wave in August while two people profess their undying love for one another outdoors. Meanwhile, I’m over here sweating bullets and swatting insects away from my face wishing they’d hurry up and put the sand in the damn bottle already. Afterward, I’m served a small meal thats totally not going to satisfy my hunger, before being forced to make a fool of myself while I do the Hully Gully on the dance floor.
And don’t even get me started on the bar; if it’s not open, I’m not coming to your stinkin’ ceremony.
When I got married, we skipped the pomp and circumstance and headed straight to the courthouse without anybody knowing. Better to ask forgiveness than permission, right? We both agreed that we didn’t need a lavish wedding for one mutual reason: We’re not stupid.
I’m not suggesting that you’re stupid — it’s just that, by forgoing the formalities, there are plenty of other things to do with the $34,000 that people spend on the average wedding. Take a look:
Put a Down Payment on a House
After purchasing a condo in Manhattan, making sure we could pay the mortgage was priority number one. Our finances would have been seriously compromised if we had funneled cash to an overpriced wedding reception. That logic applies if you haven’t bought a home yet too. Unless someone else is footing the bill for your wedding, chances are you can’t afford it — so why pretend you can? Rather, put that money where you really need it. Thirty-two thousand dollars will cover the down payment on a fairly nice home in most of the United States — or you could own a tiny home almost outright, since the average cost is around $47,500 all in.
Eliminate Existing Debt
I’m pushing 40 years old and still paying off my student debt. If you are too, instead of saving for a wedding, use the cash to pay off your college loans early or eliminate credit card debt, especially if you’re racking up massive interest charges by making minimum payments.
Upgrade Your Honeymoon
Ask any couple and they’ll tell you that the best part of getting married is the honeymoon. Obviously you’re not going to go on a $34,000 honeymoon — it doesn’t have to equal the amount you would have spent on the wedding — but you can have an amazing getaway filled with romance and adventure for a fraction of that cost.
Start a Business
Are you and your partner thinking about going in to business together? If so, that’s good a reason as any to squash the wedding plans, elope or have a very small ceremony for family and close friends, and put that money toward a business. I’m an entrepreneur myself, and I encourage everyone to become their own boss by any means necessary. This is the perfect opportunity.
Purchase Undeveloped Land
There are many considerations that go into making a smart real estate move. You can pick up an investment property that will bring in additional income each month, but that comes with a certain amount of overhead. If you don’t have the capital to pull that off, considering purchase a bare parcel of land with which you can do anything you want — I hear acres in places like West Virginia are dirt-cheap these days.
Make Home Improvements
If you bought a home before you got married, good on ya; you’ve got at least some of your ducks in a row. If that house needs improvements, now is a good time to remodel a bathroom or kitchen. For $34,000, you can do a decent amount of improvement.
Establish a College Fund
For the 2020-21 school year, the average cost of private college tuition and fees was $41,411. Public schools for out-of-state students come in a little lower at $26,809. So, instead of spending money on ice sculptures that will literally melt into a pile of nothing by the time your best man and bridesmaid start tearing each other’s clothes off during the last dance, get ahead of the game by starting a college fund for your future children.
Splurge
What do you actually get from a wedding versus going to the courthouse to say your vows? OK, you get to satisfy your family because they’re witness to your commitment. Fine. But what else — besides a hangover and the bill? Bump that. Take that money and run. If you’re debt-free, buy an item or two that you really want — a Jet Ski, a backyard Jacuzzi, or whatever else your little hearts desire. It’s your money, after all.
Whatever you do, don’t let anybody guilt you into an expensive wedding you don’t want to have. Because I’m still not coming.
Photo Credit: MarriagePursuit
I totally agree. I think people should be able to spend money however they want, but I think there’s too much pressure to have a crazy fancy wedding. If I ever get married, I plan on doing something small, a wedding in the mountains or something (boyfriend grew up in the mountains), or something abroad only for the family to witness.
My sister did something similar when she got married, Alexis — she got married in Yosemite in front of our immediate family. I’m not sure how many years it’s been — I think 24 — but I’m happy to say that she is still happily married!
Are you sure we’re not related? We also had a courthouse wedding because we wanted to buy a house right away. It seems so silly to me to spend $30K on a wedding and then return to a one bedroom apt. so small you can’t even unpack the wedding gifts. I’ve seen people take out loans for their child’s wedding and the kid got divorced before the loan was repaid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. BTW our courthouse wedding was 40 years ago this April!
Congrats on 40 years of marriage, Kathy!
Totally agree with all of this. We had a church wedding but with a total of four guests and the photographer. The most expensive part of it was my husband’s suit – he’s still got that and has worn it a few times to other people’s weddings (namely one very expensive wedding where the marriage did not last even 2 years). Meantime we are still married 18 years later, own our own home and have no debt. Hey, if an expensive wedding is what you want go ahead but frankly there’s a ton of other stuff I’d rather spend my money on.
That’s the way to do it! Congrats on 18 years of marriage – and being debt free.
Thanks for your fantastic article! I can’t believe some of my friends do this stuff.
I can’t either. Then they want to complain about how broke they are. Can’t help you if you don’t want to listen, ya know?
It’,s amazing what people will spend on a wedding today! We were married thirty six years ago in a church, in a small town in Indiana. We rented the local K of C hall, had a live band, (mostly square dance) buffet sandwiches, side dishes. Drank beer and my father in law’s homemade wine. Most of our guests gave us cash gifts ($10 to $20) we used that to pay off the cost of the wedding. Honeymooned in Colorado and at the Grand Canyons. It wasn’t lavish but it was fun!
That sounds like a lot of fun, Chris. Congrats on 36 years of marriage!
I am a single 60 yo woman. I have traveled to Europe on my own 3 times, figured out train schedules, finding hotels, getting around a city that speaks no English, getting lost with NO IDEA of how to get back to my hotel. But for some reason, I can handle it and I do fine. Many people tell me how brave I am. BUT, don’t ask me to go to a wedding alone. It scares the crap out of me to be sitting at a table with people I don’t know except the bride or groom b/c let’s face it, no one talks to a single 60yo woman who does not look like Sophia Loren and who is not that outgoing in a new situation. Weddings are my nemesis. So go ahead and spend $32K on your wedding and know ahead of time, I am dreading it (and have been dreading it for months).
I hear ya, Shirley. I’ve been dreading it too!
When I am invited to a wedding I don’t want to go to, especially one that is out of town, I make an excuse, buy a nice gift and send my regrets. One wedding, between air-fare, hotel, food, maybe a new outfit (since I don’t go to many weddings) tips, and a gift would have cost about $800 for the weekend, just for me. (My husband wouldn’t have gone.) I gave a $300 gift and enjoyed myself at home.
My go-to gift for a long time was with an investment firm that made it easy to buy stocks or mutual funds with all the info in a very nice padded folder for a gift. All the recipient had to do was log into the website, register and the Stocks or Mutual Funds were transferred to their new account.
I figured it was a way to put someone on a path of investment. They could, of course, sell the positions for cash if they needed it, but the fund I purchased did quite well, so if they held onto it and perhaps purchased more, they might have a nice little nest egg. Maybe the recipients were just being nice, but they all raved about the gift because it was unique and useful for the long-run, and something they wouldn’t have to return.
But the last time I tried to do that, they didn’t provide that service anymore. Maybe other brokerages do.
I was married twice. And, by the way, spending a ton of money on a wedding when half of the marriage end in divorce is like flushing money down the toilet.
The first time, my finance and I spoke to my parents about a wedding and went to their church to see what was on offer. My mom had worked on the committee that arranged wedding receptions at the church and immediately was planning her idea of a perfect wedding. The church had a list of preferred music and pre-marriage sessions. If we were going to have music any husband probably would have preferred loud rock and neither of us wanted religious instruction. So we went to a JP’s office in clothes we already owned. The Justice of the Peace’s wife was our witness. We then went out by ourselves to dinner and a movie. The J.P. was not allowed to charge if in his own office, but we could offer a donation. The cost of dinner, movie, J.P., license and blood tests, was about $35. About a year later, my parents decided to give us a wedding gift. We were moving so they gave us a refrigerator. (I think they waited, because they were sure I was pregnant because we eloped. I wasn’t.) We didn’t have a honeymoon until 1976, and by then the marriage was failing.
Fast forward to 1985. Husband #2 and I decided to have a slightly more formal wedding at my mother’s home. We invited a Unitarian minister who let us write our own ceremony which we created to satisfy our non-religious selves but not offend my Protestant or his Catholic family. We had a total of 17 people including ourselves, close family, and the minister. My mom and aunt made a light dinner, his brother brought champaign, my sister provided the cake, and his sister some Belgium chocolates. We requested no gifts, except for the things they offered to provide, but we got a few gifts anyway, but they were not expensive. I went to an open market to buy flowers which i arranged myself. My husband chose some music. He bought a new suit and I chose an off-white suit for myself. Along with shoes, tie, blouse, shirt, license, a donation to the minister, flowers, etc. we spent about $800, most of which went for my husband’s suit. (Mine was on sale.)
That was in March. I was a teacher, so we waited until summer to take a honeymoon, which we also did on a budget. We drove to DC, stayed at a mid-range motel in MD, took the subway into the city to see the sights. That 5-day trip in 1985 probably cost about $300. I remember motel rooms were running about $35.
One other alternative we considered was renting a picnic grove at a local park and having a pot-luck picnic. I had a friend who wrote and performed Irish Folk music that I thought would be great for a picnic. People I worked with played volleyball a lot, so we would have arranged for a picnic grove with a volleyball court. The reason we didn’t do that was because the only time my sister-in-law could be in town was late March and the weather was too iffy for a picnic. It ended up being a rather cold day. We could have invited many more people, but another problem is that my husband is not comfortable with large groups. Seventeen was at the peak of his limit.
I don’t regret either wedding choice.
__________
One other piece of advice I would give is that before buying a house, check with your bank to see what amount they would be wiling to give you for a mortgage. Then look for something that is about 60% of that.
Our bank gave us such a high number, I did some math and figured we could afford it, but we’d never be able to travel, go out to dinner or have any fun. We found a house for just about 60% of the figure the bank gave us in1987. After 1.5 years, my husband was laid off. If we had bought a more expensive house, we would have been in foreclosure. We squeaked by for a few years, then I got a substantial raise over 3 years. My husband never got as good of a job again. When we were on a better footing, I started to pay extra each month on the mortgage, so our 30-year loan was paid off in 22 years. It’s a great feeling to be totally debt free.
We are frugal, but that means we have enough money to buy everything we need and a few things we don’t need, with cash, when we need them.
This is such a good post, Len. My husband and I did the same: We didn’t spend money on the wedding, but we ended up saving our money and invested it into our retirement accounts. We live in a vacation spot, so we didn’t need to travel and we are extremely happy with our frugal lifestyle, so we didn’t need to splurge.
One thing is for sure: Your partner is one of the biggest – if not the biggest – financial decision of your life. Choose them carefully.
Cheers,
Fiona