DEAR EDITOR:
I am 61 years old.
Many people continue to say there is no such thing as global warming.
My wife Tipper says, ‘If you see it in Len Penzo dot Com, it’s so.’
So please tell me the truth; is there such a thing as global warming?
Al Gore.
2100 West End Avenue, Nashville, TN, 37203.
Al Gore, those people are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They disagree with Cap and Trade and they find it ludicrous that carbon dioxide — a trace gas ultimately critical for all life on earth – is now considered a pollutant. But the minds of those that refuse to buy in to global warming, Al, whether they be respected scientists, enlightened environmentalists, or common folk who do their own independent research, are little. In this great universe of ours these people are mere insects, ants, in their intellect, as compared with the boundless world about them. At least as measured by the true intelligence of global warming alarmists like yourself, capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.
Yes, Al Gore, there is such a thing as global warming. It exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist. Never mind that the earth has been cooling since 1998 while carbon dioxide levels have continued to rise. Never mind that theglobal warming models you like to reference are critically flawed. Alas! How dreary would be the world if there were no global warming? It would be as dreary as if there were no Al Gores. There would be no childlike faith, then no poetry, no oppressive socialist ideology to make tolerable our existence.
Not believe in global warming! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get Barack Obama to hire ACORN to watch all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees global warming yet either, but that is no sign that there is no global warming. The most-real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the terrible anti-capitalist bugaboos there are unseen in the world — although global warming is a good one, Al.
You may tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, socialism, radicalism, romance, environmental propaganda, and utopianism can push aside that curtain and view the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Al Gore, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding for those that truly believe.
No global warming! Thank God it exists, Al, for ignorance is bliss! It is the world’s best hope for the elimination of economic growth and the downfall of capitalism. A thousand years from now, Al Gore, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, as long as there are committed socialists and environmentalists around polluting Earth’s atmosphere with their every exhaled breath, I suspect global warming will continue to be a thorn in the side of freedom loving people everywhere.
Bravo!
Len,
When real evidence is scarce, even Al’s faith can flag at times. I am sure your response to his letter will encourage him to once again be a true believer. As you say, “ignorance is bliss”.
Seriously, some of the best satire I have read. I love it.
@Finnegan, @The Bobo: Thanks, guys!
@Bret: Did you see the comparison going around the web a few years ago comparing W’s non-White House home to Gore’s? W’s was modest in size and completely environmentally friendly while Gore’s was this huge mansion that was anything but. I think you can still find the piece on Snopes – it was a true story.
@Joe: Thank you. I was just surprised he even bothered to write to me! 😉
Worldwide climate change patterns of recent years have started to negatively affect the Himalayas and the people living in this region, their socio-economic development, biological diversity and other sectors. The risk of floods, landslides, glacier erosion, drought, deforestation and other natural calamities has greatly increased. – Zora
And there is nothing we can do about it, Zora… That’s all part of the natural cycles of the Earth.
Absolutely brilliant!
I think Al Gore needs to put his own house in order, before he tells America what to do.
Between his mansion, entourage and private jets, he will waste more energy this year than most of us will use in our lifetimes.
Talk is cheap, but action is priceless.
I was just in Al Gore’s building (St. Regis) this week, and asked for him, but didn’t see him!
There’s no global warming, not this year! 8 feet of snow in Tahoe already, brrrrrrrr.
That’s great news for the ski industry! 🙂
At any rate Al Gore is right about climatic change, correct? Or is he wrong? He says it was man-made, not just earth’s standard cycle over thousands of years. Ya think?