Grandfather Says: The Continuing Chronicles of Elaine, Part 43

The following was written by my late wife Elaine. She wrote a long book, a diary really, from which this is one passage:

Hilarities

One evening at Charlie’s camp, which adjoins our property, we were all sitting around in the living room after a steak cookout. Charlie left the room for a few minutes and came crawling back into the room, behind our chairs, against the wall, barking like a dog. We were all miserable from laughing until we hurt, and Madeline said, knowing Charlie had had a snootful, that “she had never seen him like this.”

At another memorable cookout at the camp, Charlie took out his false teeth, and they were still on his steak plate when he dumped it, with other garbage, onto the compost pile. Later, he had to poke around in the dark in the debris to find his teeth.

Charlie always made everybody laugh, even if we’d heard all his “sayings” before: things like:

• “She rattles on a ballbearing in a pisspot”
• “didn’t know if he was rolling or sliding”

If someone goofed up he’d say, “She dropped her cookies in the dirt.” The list goes on:

• “grinned like a mule eating briers”
• “can’t use him”
• “doing the hen-dusting shuffle”
• “get a good scald on it”
• “get the real skinny”
• “just the best”
• “don’t pull your puckering string”
• “whatever you think’s right”
• “slick as snot on a doorknob”
• “really got her nap up”
• “you old heifer, you”
• “don’t know if it’s a burnt offering or a sacrifice”
• “she stuck her quill in”
• “it’s our Sunday car!”

Madeline and Charlie: You’re just the best! Our children all loved Charlie’s jokes, and they loved Charlie! And Madeline! These friends will always be in our hearts.

To be continued…

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About the Author: RD Blakeslee is a nonagenarian in West Virginia who built his net worth by only investing in that which can be enjoyed during acquisition and throughout life, as opposed to papers in a drawer, like stocks and bonds. You can read more about him here.

Photos: Courtesy of the Blakeslee Family